September 11th- The day the United States mourns over a horrific event that no one will ever forget. However that day changed for Joe and I forever. I should have been six weeks pregnant that day instead that day we found out that our beautiful baby turned into a beautiful angel. I wouldn't be having a baby in May after all.
"An angel in the book of life wrote down my baby's birth.
Then whispered as she closed the book "too beautiful for earth".
~author unknown
BUT WHY???????
WHY am I supposed to keep this a secret, WHY do I have to go through it alone, WHY do I have to pretend I am happy for my friends that are announcing their pregnancy's. Don't get me wrong I am happy for them. But I just simply want my baby back!
I am breaking the taboo and speaking about my loss.
I don't know exactly how to cope. How do you grieve the loss of someone you never actually met? And comments like, "Probably for the best" or "You can have more children" or "at least you can get pregnant" or "There was probably something wrong with the baby anyway" or "At least you weren't that far along," were meant to be comforting. However they just made me feel worse. I had wanted THIS baby, and I didn't care whether there was something “wrong” with my baby or not! And from the moment I found out I was pregnant I was in love with that baby and nothing can change how I feel about the baby. Unfortunately I have to learn how to grieve someone I can't meet.
"When you dream of something so long,
and it's taken from you in a blink of an eye,
IT HURTS!
But I am strong and I am not giving up."
~author unknown
While trying to cope without gong public I searched the web for help. However I came across one website saying just this: "The first rule of miscarriage is you don't talk about miscarriage." Why must we treat it like fight club? I am finding it easier to talk about it to the world and no longer hide it. My husband agrees because it is our life right?!
We are not looking for sympathy. I only speak for myself when I say I just want people to be understanding when I can't jump for joy for my pregnant friends when I want to scream at someone for small things. I understand being a mom/pregnant is hard but I would take that in a heartbeat rather than being where I am now.
"How very softly
you tiptoed into my world.
Almost silently;
Only a moment you stayed.
But what an imprint
Your footprints have left
On our hearts."
~Author Unknown
you tiptoed into my world.
Almost silently;
Only a moment you stayed.
But what an imprint
Your footprints have left
On our hearts."
~Author Unknown
